my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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