I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
