my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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