After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
