First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
