Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
