Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
