I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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