I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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