Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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