hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
