In the future we'll all be gay
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
