So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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