alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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