My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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