Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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