he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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