I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
