how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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