I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I did not marry a roomba.
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