im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize