just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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