remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
