New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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