Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
