chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am naked and annoyed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
