theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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