He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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