why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
