I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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