I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
