let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
