I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
