batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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