i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
