How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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