This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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