yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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