Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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