I'm sorry my penis didn't work
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize