I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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