You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think i got beer on your cat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
