and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
