is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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