gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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