um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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