I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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