Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
