Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
