just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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