i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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