shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
