I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
