she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
