I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
