you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
