I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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