So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
