he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
