Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dignity is for republicans.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
