Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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