It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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