if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
