It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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