$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
