Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
