I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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