Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
