I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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