I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
