So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
